lazy unite

Having two friends/acquaintances from high school can be somewhat detrimental to your (or my) self esteem. Luckily, I am such a laid back chilled out dude, that it doesn’t matter to me. Oh sure, they were on the cover of Canadian Time which looks just like the real Time, but hey, who knows what I might accomplish, tomorrow say? I’m just frustrated that it seems to me that to succeed in this world you need to work hard.

I think that it’s time that the lazy, below model attractiveness people start getting the upper hand. Now the problem is how do we do that without becoming hypocrites and working hard. See that is the kicker. That’s where the internet comes in.

I could start a chain email and it would not be working hard. That’s just typing a few sentences, albeit incredibly well thought out ones, onto a sheet of email, and sending it to their closest friends, and so on and so forth until we have amassed a huge amount of lazy people.

Now what good are lazy people? Little or no good. But we can change that. I can change that. I consider that a good ¾ of the US population are lazy. What we need to do is tap into that lazy majority, and make the rest of the world that they need to fear us, and if not fear us, do stuff for us without us having to do anything in return.

How do we convince them of this? Try this little argument on for size. Don’t just hold it up against your body, go into the small room with the clotheshook and a mirror and put that tight fitting idea on. Move around. Squat. I think you will be delightfully surprised.

That being said, here is the idea. All those who are lazy were in the aristocrats in their former lives. Because this is so clearly the case, all those who read the idea will automatically give into it. Now, that is why we need the chain mail before I release the idea. I need to have a list of who is lazy before I tell people about the idea, or everyone will claim laziness, and hence, aristocratic status.

A new social structure will need to be formed, with lazy at the crown of it. The hardest working will be, uh, you guessed it, the working class. There are all these driven people—think about how much good they could do if the were working at supporting society. Now my detractors will now be saying, oh what about capitalism? How do you get these hard workers to work?

This is where Buddhist philosophy of reincarnation comes in. The reason that they work so hard is because they have not yet achieved the Lazy. Similar to Nirvana, the Lazy comes to those who have been enlightened. Money is not the main concern, nor is love. To be at ease is the most important thing any one can do in their life. To be at ease without doing anything to get there is Nirvana.

It may seem to you that I’m talking nonsense. If you are experiencing that, you are clearly of the working class. If you read this and instead are enthralled by the idea of being lazy and getting praised for it, then come on in, and sit down on the nice down pillow of the lazy and join us in our everlasting quest to overcome work.

This is not something that can happen over night. But with enough laying around and inaction, maybe my dream will be achieved. I hope with all my heart. Amen.