metaphysical monkeys?

Every 4 or so hours, the human world is awake for one minute. The majority of our lives we live on pause. All our lives, they have been there, observing us, studying us. They live everywhere we are not. Between the holes in our collective sense they move. There is no way to ever prove they are there. They leave no trace, but move objects barely perceptibly to the conscious human thought process, while striking deep into the personality, effecting judgement so rapidly, it is impossible to realize it.

Meanwhile, we move around our about 96 hour days, thinking how it so strange that we’re so tired all the time. A woman moves from her living room to her kitchen. The trash basket is probably 2 and half inches to the left than when she saw it last. She has no idea that the suggestion to eat some hagen daz ice cream had been implanted in her head, simply because of that small alteration. A monkey snickers in the guest room, content with his simple tricks. And perhaps he has a commission check in the mail. He might. The monkeys have become more and more cynical as time wears on.

They know little of how the changes work, because their (or perhaps anyone’s) interest in fate supersedes any research into the idea. It seems the most efficient items to move are telephones and floor lamps. (the advent of the cellular phone has driven floor lamp movement up ten fold.) The best meddlers simply have an instinct. “This coffee table should be here,” this expert monkey says to himself. He doesn’t measure, and he has no real procedure. He just knows how the coffee table must be shifted to make the father put his foot through the television.

Now while some do it for money, most do it for the sheer curiosity of what might happen after a human puts a foot through a television. These are the monkeys I like, and respect. The other monkeys--the bad monkeys--do whatever it takes to rule the world.

And that’s why I’m here! Captain Dave and the Fearsome Animal Friend Team! Do what you can for justice, I’ll take care of time.

I have learned to avoid this effective mind washing by convincing myself that I make these choices of my own free will. It denies them the satisfaction.

So, in summation, metaphysical monkeys move objects and time outside our reality so when that reality is reinhabited we make judgements according to their will.

tony pierce speaks, i jump

tony pierce told me that i had to start a weblog. not that we're very close, but i read his blog (once). so, since i've promised myself i'd write a page a day, and i figure this is a way to have some feedback. i only dread that my writings will be labeled as inane, self-serving drivel. there is no doubt in my mind of that label being correct, but i just don't want to hear it.
now the way i got to tony pierce's blog is through stumbleupon. this is an extension for firefox that gives you a new page everytime you click on it. you say you like it or you don't, and it stores those settings. it's the amazon.com of the www. you should use it. i do, and look how happy i am!

my mother used to take me on a motorcycle to school. after i gave her a kiss and she got my brown bag out of the side compartment, she would rip out of the parking lot wheelying to her heart's content. i used to be the coolest kid in school. now i'm just a mamma's boy.
my mother actually never owned a motorcycle. the coolest vehicle she has owned while i've been alive was a chrysler cherry red convertible, with a digital dashboard display. it would never work, so we'd just have to guess how fast we were going. and it wasn't just digital in that it would read out the mileage, but it would also fill bars up on a meter. like we were running on steam or something. but then the catylitic convertor gave out, and she got a taurus wagon. now that is the equivilant of riding a hog to school and then being called a mamma's boy. hence the analogy/lie.

why is it always cherry-red? i guess that apple red lacks that bite, that spark, that convertible colors need.

i lack focus, it's true. i'm just not sure that anything needs more than a paragraph or two of my time. is it okay to jump around from topic to topic on my blog? do i need to stick within a specific structure? it better be, cause i ain't changin'. not for you--not for nobody.

lazy unite

Having two friends/acquaintances from high school can be somewhat detrimental to your (or my) self esteem. Luckily, I am such a laid back chilled out dude, that it doesn’t matter to me. Oh sure, they were on the cover of Canadian Time which looks just like the real Time, but hey, who knows what I might accomplish, tomorrow say? I’m just frustrated that it seems to me that to succeed in this world you need to work hard.

I think that it’s time that the lazy, below model attractiveness people start getting the upper hand. Now the problem is how do we do that without becoming hypocrites and working hard. See that is the kicker. That’s where the internet comes in.

I could start a chain email and it would not be working hard. That’s just typing a few sentences, albeit incredibly well thought out ones, onto a sheet of email, and sending it to their closest friends, and so on and so forth until we have amassed a huge amount of lazy people.

Now what good are lazy people? Little or no good. But we can change that. I can change that. I consider that a good ¾ of the US population are lazy. What we need to do is tap into that lazy majority, and make the rest of the world that they need to fear us, and if not fear us, do stuff for us without us having to do anything in return.

How do we convince them of this? Try this little argument on for size. Don’t just hold it up against your body, go into the small room with the clotheshook and a mirror and put that tight fitting idea on. Move around. Squat. I think you will be delightfully surprised.

That being said, here is the idea. All those who are lazy were in the aristocrats in their former lives. Because this is so clearly the case, all those who read the idea will automatically give into it. Now, that is why we need the chain mail before I release the idea. I need to have a list of who is lazy before I tell people about the idea, or everyone will claim laziness, and hence, aristocratic status.

A new social structure will need to be formed, with lazy at the crown of it. The hardest working will be, uh, you guessed it, the working class. There are all these driven people—think about how much good they could do if the were working at supporting society. Now my detractors will now be saying, oh what about capitalism? How do you get these hard workers to work?

This is where Buddhist philosophy of reincarnation comes in. The reason that they work so hard is because they have not yet achieved the Lazy. Similar to Nirvana, the Lazy comes to those who have been enlightened. Money is not the main concern, nor is love. To be at ease is the most important thing any one can do in their life. To be at ease without doing anything to get there is Nirvana.

It may seem to you that I’m talking nonsense. If you are experiencing that, you are clearly of the working class. If you read this and instead are enthralled by the idea of being lazy and getting praised for it, then come on in, and sit down on the nice down pillow of the lazy and join us in our everlasting quest to overcome work.

This is not something that can happen over night. But with enough laying around and inaction, maybe my dream will be achieved. I hope with all my heart. Amen.